


if i only could

by Onehellagaykid



Series: running up that hill [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, luls im sorry, supercat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:23:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8318986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onehellagaykid/pseuds/Onehellagaykid
Summary: i'd make deal with god, and get him swap our places





	

“Is this what you do when it gets tough? You just leave?” Cat practically served at Kara.

“I’m not safe. I almost lost you. I have to leave for Carter. For you.” Kara said as she looked down at her hands. The perfect diamond ring joined with a gold band on her left ring finger and plain silver band on her right thumb. Cat stood there looking at Kara.

“I don’t care. You can’t just leave.” Kara slowly raised her head and looked at Cat with those eyes that had seen every face she had ever made, for the past 3 years but never this one. This one was different. It was, stoic. Her eyes dark, yet full of light. The silence between them was eerie, uncomfortable. The most uncomfortable silence they had in the years they were together. It was broken by the chirpy ringtone of Kara’s phone. It was Alex, with another alien problem, no doubt.

“I need to go. I don’t know what time I’ll be back. I’ll call you.” Kara said as she went place a kiss on Cat’s forehead, but instead, for the first time since the red kryptonite incident, she flinched. Cat had flinched under Kara’s presence. Kara pulled back and turned to the door. They didn't say other word. When the door had shut, Cat poured herself a scotch and sat on the sofa with her legs tucked underneath her body.

“Mom?” A small voice called out form the darkness of Cat’s penthouse. It was Carter. He walked in rubbing his eyes, wearing his superman pyjamas. “Where’s Kara? I heard voices.” He said as he tucked himself into her side.

“She had to go. Alex called.” Cat mumbled as she placed a soft kiss on top of Carter’s head.

“When is she coming back?” he whispered into her shoulder.

“I don’t know.” She replied half heartedly.

*

_“Does your darling wife know that you’re about to get crushed?” Non whispered as he held Kara’s throat with such force that she was starting to lose her vision._

_“Don’t…touch her.” She tried to shout but it came out like a whisper._

_“Oh, I won’t. But my soldiers will.” He shouted in kryptonian and four soldiers had flown off. While the soldiers had gone, Non used kryptonite chains to string up Kara like a rag doll. He placed a few low blows to her stomach and one to her face. The soldiers returned with Cat and threw her down onto the concrete floor, splitting her lip. She looked up at Kara and the younger girl was shaking her head._

_“So, the famous Cat Grant. Queen of all media. How does feel like to watch your precious Supergirl get beaten.” He said as he placed a punch to Kara’s face and kneed her in the stomach._

_Cat flinched and turned away as Kara took a beating from her Uncle._

_“Tell me where you’re keeping the Fort Rozz prisoners, otherwise, it won’t just be you taking a beating.” Non nodded to one of his soldiers who grabbed Cat by her arm and hauled her to her feet. “Your precious wife here, well, there will be nothing left of her by the time I’m done. Unless of course you’re willing to talk.”_

_“Kara, don’t say anything. I’ll be fine.” Cat had said before she was pulled away to a room away from Kara._  
_“She won’t be.” Her Uncle whispered in her ear._

_“Non…I-I’ll tell you what you want to know. You can beat me, torture me, take away my life, but for the love of god, don’t touch her. Or you will regret it.” She whispered into his ear. Non just shook his head as he disappeared into the darkness. the silence followed. It followed like death. It was always there, it just needed a situation to reveal itself to._

*

“Kara, are you okay? You look bad.” Alex said with concern.

“Yeah, just…stuff’s happening. I’m fine. Honest.” Kara smiled.

“Right well there’s a situation at the airport. A Raxaco. Can’t miss him, bright red thing with horns.”

“Like Hellboy?”

Alex just looked at Kara. Ever since Carter had shown her his comics, she had become infatuated. Her favourite superhero comics were all about Hellboy. Of course he was never as cool in comics as he was in real life. She had met him once when doing a routine check of National City. He said he was there for a holiday. Kara was ecstatic, she got hundreds of picture with him and even got him to sign some of Carter’s comics. Those ones were framed in his room.

“Yes, like Hellboy. How is the Beast of the Apocolypse? I haven't seen him in a while.”

“Oh, he’s fine. Him and Liz live in New York. They send annual christmas cards and merchandise for Carter.”

“Agent Danvers, he’s on the move.” Hank said to her. Kara nodded flew off into the sky. “What’s wrong with Supergirl. Something isn't right.”

“I’m going to talk to Cat. She’ll hopefully know.” Alex said as she pulled on her jacket and left the DEO. The agent arrived at the building and waited for Cat to buzz her in. After waiting several minutes he buzzed again.

“Sorry, Aunt Alex. Mom is asleep, but come up anyway.” Carter said through the intercom machine. She got the lift to Cat’s floor and walked out to be greeted by a sleepy Carter. “Hi, come in. Mom had an argument with Ma. I only caught the end of it.” Carter said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into the penthouse. She quietly shut the door and Carter kissed her goodnight and went back to sleep. She slowly made her way into Kara and Cat’s bedroom and watched as the older woman was curled up in an old superman t-shirt of Kara’s. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she turned on the lamp.

“Go away.” A voice from under the duvet nest sounded.

“What happened with Kara. She was acting weird.”

Cat mumbled something incoherent and pulled the duvet around her tighter.

“What?” Alex asked.

“She’s leaving okay. She said she had to go because I’m not safe with her. I don’t know if she's coming back after tonight. She didn’t say anything.” Cat said as she pushed away the duvet cover. Alex over next to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

“She wouldn’t just throw away all that you had together unless something serious was happening. Kara’s not like that. Look, I will talk to Clark, Bruce, Barry and Hellboy, anyone who might know what’s happening with her.”

“Please. I don’t want her to do this to Carter. He doesn't deserve it.” Cat said as she wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her into a hug. She let Cat get back to sleep and went into Carter’s room and found him on his laptop.

“What are you doing?” She asked him curiously.

“I’m watching Mom and Ma’s wedding video. I do that when they argue.” Alex sat next to Carter and watched them dance to Surrender by Natalie Taylor.

*

_“I’m freaking out. What if she says no. What if something happens to her.”_

_“Kara, chill. Nothing will happen okay. You guys have court side seats to a Lakers game and you’re gonna propose to Cat with a rock the size of a ping pong ball. She will say yes okay. Go and get her and I promise you everything will be fine.” Alex through Kara’s phone. “Call me after okay.”_

_“Okay, bye. Love you.” Kara smiled as she saw Carter carrying a hotdog and Cat following close behind on her phone._

_“I love you too kara.” She hung up the phone and was met with a squealing Carter as he rushed over and took his seat next to her. He winked at her and began to eat his hot dog._

_“Kara, why did you insist we come to this game, when I am friends with both of the teams. If you wanted to meet them you could have just said.” Cat said as Kara placed a kiss on her cheek and sat down inbetween Carter and Cat. The ring box was burning a hole in her pocket and saw kept tapping her foot to take her mind off it._

_Half time finally came around and the Lakers were winning 36-22. Kara stood as Kobe came up to score three pointers._

_“Ladies and gentlemen, could please have your attention. My dear friend here has something to say.” Kobe said as he gave her the ball._

_“Thanks Kobe. Hi, everyone I’m Kara Danvers and I have something to say. I am in love with Cat Grant. I have been for the past 4 years and now I have the courage to act on it. Cat, I love you, I look at you and I’m home. I look at you and forget about everything bad that’s ever happened in my life. I look at you and all I see is my world and future. So,” Kara said as she turned the ball around and got down one knee. “Cat Grant, will you marry me.” She smiled as the rig box was taken out of her pocket and opened. Cat smiled and stared at Kara._

_“Oh, god Kara. Of course I will.” She answered as she flung her arms around Kara’s neck and the stadium erupted into cheers. “I love you.” She whispered in her ear. Carter just sat on the sidelines eating his hotdog and high fiving Kobe Bryant. Cat stared the diamond in awe. How did you afford this.”_

_“I made it. Turns out I can crush coal and make diamonds. I took it to a place Alex knows and they helped me. Actually Carter helped the most. He organised this, I promised him that Hellboy would be at the wedding.” Kara smiled._

_“I assume I can tell the world I’m engaged to Supergirl, yes.” Cat said as Kara intertwined their hands._  
_“The world is ready for me to come out. They deserve to know.”_

*

“Kara, you have people here to see you.” Hank said as he led her to the training room. Kara was greeted by Clark, Bruce and her good friend Barry Allen.

“ Anung couldn’t make it. He sends his regards.” Clark said as he pulled his cousin in for a hug.

“What are you doing here?”

“This, my food loving friend, is an intervention.” Barry said as he ate a cookie.

“For…” Kara asked as she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“You for Cat. What’s been going on? You’ve been distant.” Batman said as he paced the room. Kara slid down the wall and placed her head on her knees. Barry immediately sunk down to her level and wrapped an arm around her.

“It’s complicated. I’m dangerous.”

“Kara, tell us.” She huffed and moved a piece of hair out of her face. Clark, I don’t want to involve you.” Clark gave her a stern look and she finally gave in. “Fine. Non said that i would never be a normal person. I could never feel what normal people feel.”

“Is that it?” Barry said. Kara shook her head and bit her lip.

“He said that no matter where I go, what I do Cat will never be safe. He would always be there. He said he would haunt me until the end of my days. Cat and Carter can’t ever have normal life because of me. I will always be the one thing that puts both of them in constant danger. They will be constantly looking over their shoulders because of me and I can’t change that. That’s why I’m leaving. He said if I left, they would be safe. Safe from harm, safe from me.”

“Kara you can’t. You can’t trust Non. I will use everything in my power to protect you three, but you can’t just disappear because things get hard.” Clark said to her as she looked up at her younger cousin.

“I have to and I will. Starting from tomorrow, Kara Danvers is dead.”

“Kara, think what will happen to carter and Cat. What about James, Winn, even Lucy.”

“This concerns them. I have to disappear. It’s the only way. I’ve talked to Max he said he could help. We’ve got a plan, let me stick to it.” She glared at Clark and stormed off, calling Max on the way.

“Lets do it.” Was the only thing she said before flying off into the air, heading for Lord Technologies.

She created a crater as she landed and watched as Max stop waiting for her inside the building. Storming through the building, she reached him and spoke a short, “let’s do it” before following him to his lab where he had the answer to her problems.

“If you do this, you can’t come back. The kryptonite dust will only hit a 50 mile radius, so anything outside of National City won’t affected. Superman will be fine, but It will still be in atmosphere for at least 3 years. You have to give up everything and become Kara, for good. That means giving up Alex, your friends, Eliza, J’onn. Even Cat. You can’t come back from something like this. I hope you know what you’re doing.” Max said as he set the missile to a time.

“It’s the only way I can keep her safe.” She spoke inaudibly, thinking Max wouldn’t hear her, but he did.

*

_“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.” Cat said as Kara collapsed onto the balcony of her office in her superheats after a long day saving the city and fighting aliens._

_“I’m fine.” She said as she wiped the blood from her lip and sat down on the sofa._

_“Don’t get dirt on those. If you do, you’re buying me new ones.” Cat said sitting down opposite her. Cat watched as Kara leaned her head back over the edge of the sofa and sighed. Something was bothering her, Cat could tell. “What’s happening? Somethings up.”_

_“Miss Grant, I need to tell you something. I’m doing this because I trust you, but I don’t this to be the cause of your harm.”_

_“Yes, Supergirl what is it?”_

_“I’m Kara.” Cat’s face contorted into confusion and she sat there for a couple of seconds trying to work out what had happened._

_“Wait, so I was right. How did you prove me wrong, when I saw both you and…you in here?”_

_“Martian.” Kara answered like it was natural thing to answer with. “I’m sorry. It was just to keep you safe, from Non and the Fort Rozz Prisoners.”_

_“Well, Keira, now that I know the truth. Perhaps you, Mr Olsen and Witt would like to include me in whatever you have got going on.”_

_“Miss Grant, I have the layouts you wanted.” James said with a faux surprise face as he entered her office._

_“Supergirl, what a surprise. Shouldn’t you be out saving the city.”_

_“Mr Olsen, if you could please not be as so naive as to keep up this ridiculous charade, that would be wonderful. Now Keira, I do not expect you to be in any earlier than 10:00 am tomorrow. I will get my latte myself and you have done a lot of saving today so take the morning off. Now I am going home and help my son with his homework. Goodnight.” Cat said as she stood and gathered her things. Mr Olsen, Kara.” She nodded as she stepped out of her office and into the bullpen. When she was finally out of sight in the elevator, Kara huffed._

_“Was that really a good idea?”_

_“Well, its happened now so I can’t do much about it can I. Come on, let’s go back to mine. It’s game night.” She smiled as James helped her up._

*

“Alex, I need you to do something.” Kara said as she held her phone to her ear.

“Kara, where are you?”

“Trying to save the world, but right now I need a favour. I need you to do something for me.” At that moment she put Kara on loudspeaker and connected, Winn, James, Eliza and Cat all on the calls. She turned to Superman and he nodded a confirmation for super girl to continue.

“Kara, I’m here.”

“This is the only way for me to do this. Tell Winn, he’s like a brother to me. He’s my best friend and I want to thank him for all that. Tell him that I’m so proud of him and I love him. Tell James, to look after Lucy and Clark, there gonna need it after tonight. Clark knows whats going on so let him do his thing. Tell Eliza, that you will find Jeremiah and if you do find him, tell him I never stopped wearing my glasses and that I love them both. Tell Cat…oh god Cat. Tell her, I love her. Alex do me a favour and look after them. Stay with them and under my bed in a green box is a present for Carter. I was gonna wait until his birthday but I want him to have it. And Alex, go and do all the stuff that being my sister stopped you from doing. I’m sorry.

“Kara, there has to be another way. I can save you, tell me where you are.”

“I can’t. I have to go now. I’m sorry.”

“Kara, I love you.”

“I love you…all.” Kara said as though she knew that Alex had placed on the phone.

Max set the timer for 5 minutes and Kara started to lift it into the air. She got over National City and she waited. She floated there, holding the thing that would destroy her life and love. “Supergirl, let it go.” She closed her eyes as the bomb exploded a mere 500 feet from she floated.

“Go live a new life Kara, be the person you always wanted to be. I’ll keep you updated about Non ” Max’s voice spoke in her ear-piece.

Kara nodded tearfully and flew up into the clouds and felt the warmth of Rao’s light take over her. 

**Author's Note:**

> there will be a part 2. hopefully. i think. probably


End file.
